I don't want to marry him, I'm just borrowing him. He's my closest male friend and that's how I'd like to keep it. One day we wont need each other in this way but our friendship will continue just fine. We're both very careful, but you can never be too careful.

Thank you so much! You've said what I've believed for a long time. I don't believe in true love or one man for every woman. I believe each person is compatible with so many other types of people in the world. I would never be happy if I was stuck with one person for the rest of my life. I hate the whole idea of marriage. I find it restrictive and soul draining in the long term. I want to free to be with who I want with no strings attatched. No ring on my finger and no snot nosed kids clinging to me. I like kids, I just don't want to be stuck with one forever. But anyway, you're right, it's easy for people to judge even though they may have no clue what I'm going through. I would never be so bold to think I had any right to play the moral police to anyone.

I only see him maybe once a week if I'm lucky since he works so much. And I'm always busy with other activities. We're just grateful for what time we can get to be alone when we can.

"the root of that issue comes from religious ideals that were drawn from a time period where rich men wanted to keep their wifes from having sex outside the marriage. So the made decrees and pass laws that said you can have sex outside of your own marriage."

That's one theory on the root of the issue, there are many other theories that are just as likely. I've read quite a few of them but I'm not recalling a whole ton off the top of my head, it's not something that really pertains to my life as I have no desire to be monogamous.

"P.S don't worry about people that are judging you, thats just a reflection for something they don't like in themselfs that is pretty similar to what you are going though right now. Its easy to say its wrong, but when you deep in the thick of it, it takes on a whole new meaning."

First, not all judgments are because of a reflection of something inside themselves. People MUST make judgments in order to interact with the world, X is better than Y, Z is worse than A, ect. I feel that Munk is in a pretty bad situation because;
She is involved in a relationship that is very likely going to be exposed.
She has stated that both the husband and the wife are friends and that she wants to keep those friendships.
If her relationship is exposed then she will likely lose the wife as a friend or at the very least lose that friends trust (which, IMO, renders the friendship null and void)
The wife and husband will likely go through a very painful situation (and since they are both her friends why would it be ok to be a facilitator of a painful situation)

Anyhow, some people probably are reacting in a more negative tone due to their experiences in the past (likely the ones who have been in the unknowing wife's position) but that is still valuable information for Munk since she has said she is friends with the wife and wants to remain friends with the wife.

this is for naug....ohhhhhhhhhhhh,so its ok for kids to suffer on our needs............girl? have u ever been married? how old r u....? im sure u dont even have kids...sweetie ..ur point is clear...and maybe ur right in alot of ways..but it sounds very heartless..how can u do what ever u want..when u know in ur mind..its gonna hurt others? fuck the history lessen on what our parents told us.....we know whats right and wrong and if the fucker is not happy with his wife ..then he should leave her..
the only thing ur telling me and everyone here..that its ok to hurt others when it comes to that issue.

I do understand your points and they did come off as a bit uppity to me. This whole situation has left me in a great deal of emotional turmoil and I hate feeling this way. It's not so easy to do the right thing even when you have the best intentions. When your head is being stern and logical but your heart is screaming and hanging on. Not an easy place to be. No matter what choice I make, eventualy someone will get hurt. If I end it myself I know I'll be nursing a broken heart for who knows how long. If we're unexpectedly found out, then we'll both be in the dog house. I would rather suffer alone than cause them any heartache. If I end it now no one I care about will be hurt and maybe, after some time to heal, I can find a guy to love freely and openly. That would be nice.

Naughtalicious,
Well first as Steve pointed out many of us have been in one of those three positions - other person, cheating person, or cheated on person.

Munk asked us for validation that what she was doing was ok. We couldn't provide it.

Our feedback is not negative because we can't empathize or don't want her to figure it out for herself or need to feel superior or aren't ready to let her make her own choices in life.

Our feedback is negative because it is the voice of experience - our experience. I have personally been in two of those positions - other person and cheated on person. And I have been in these positions in both monogamous and poly (with honesty) relationships. I have also been party in friendship to others in these roles. It never ends well when there is dishonesty and it is never ends well when rules of openness are broken with dishonesty. Period.

Dishonesty leads to hurt and lost friendships. That's the way it works.

If you can't accept our words of experience then perhaps you are still inexperienced in these ways. Give dishonesty a try and let us know how it turns out for you.

Thanks you for replying. I do agree with you 100%. I've been looking into the poly lifestyle myself since it's something that interests me. We did make a pact in the beginning that we would remain friends even when this chapter of our lives is done. I'm quickly coming to terms with the fact that I don't like being in this type of situation because it really isn't fair to me. Having to keep it a secret as if we're horrible people, and we're not. I would just rather be friends than continue doing emotional damage to myself and potentialy to others.

nicely put.- the..;-)

Oh yeah, and don't forget 20a) Blackmail him into doing whatever you want by threatening to tell his wife ROFL...

*looks over the list*

Yup, that pretty much covers it!

mike u r so funny..;-) hee-hee-hee but its a list to go by..(smile)