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So there's this young woman I met in a coffee shop a few months back. We only live a few blocks apart and we've hung out for breakfast or coffee 3-4 times now since then over the last month or so (took us time to get together again.) I have no interest in a "relationship" with her. I'm not sure how much we have in common for a real friendship either.
But she's smoking hot!
I've managed to bring up the subject of "casual relationships" a couple times now. I feel really comfortable with the idea of having something like that with her because I KNOW I don't really want anything else. She has voiced the opinion that she doesn't think casual works because one person always wants more. She's also mentioned that she's kind of taking a "guy break" for a while. Also has mentioned that she doesn't have very many male friends.
I mentioned to her in an email after hanging out with her the first time that I had an attraction to her but that I also heard she wasn't really looking for anything right now.
She's been working a lot since we've been hanging out and only available during the day mostly. Now she's got a couple evenings open and mentioned getting together next week.
Like I said, I don't want a relationship with her and I don't know exactly where a friendship would go either - she's even talking about moving in a couple months maybe.
I'm feeling really shy about taking that leap though and actually saying "Hey...wanna hookup with, seriously, no strings attached?"
How does one do that tactfully without being insulting or off-putting?
I mean, I guess I wouldn't really be any worse off if she decided she didn't want to hang out again because it made her uncomfortable but I'd like to not sound like a total horn-dog either....cause really I'm not these days.
I guess I know the answer....just ask. But how do people manage that? The only time I've ever made it to that point was after the mutual chemistry was there and we were being all flirty and then actually hooked up before having the "not so serious" conversation.
How do you initiate it with someone before you actually hook up like that?
But she's smoking hot!
I've managed to bring up the subject of "casual relationships" a couple times now. I feel really comfortable with the idea of having something like that with her because I KNOW I don't really want anything else. She has voiced the opinion that she doesn't think casual works because one person always wants more. She's also mentioned that she's kind of taking a "guy break" for a while. Also has mentioned that she doesn't have very many male friends.
I mentioned to her in an email after hanging out with her the first time that I had an attraction to her but that I also heard she wasn't really looking for anything right now.
She's been working a lot since we've been hanging out and only available during the day mostly. Now she's got a couple evenings open and mentioned getting together next week.
Like I said, I don't want a relationship with her and I don't know exactly where a friendship would go either - she's even talking about moving in a couple months maybe.
I'm feeling really shy about taking that leap though and actually saying "Hey...wanna hookup with, seriously, no strings attached?"
How does one do that tactfully without being insulting or off-putting?
I mean, I guess I wouldn't really be any worse off if she decided she didn't want to hang out again because it made her uncomfortable but I'd like to not sound like a total horn-dog either....cause really I'm not these days.
I guess I know the answer....just ask. But how do people manage that? The only time I've ever made it to that point was after the mutual chemistry was there and we were being all flirty and then actually hooked up before having the "not so serious" conversation.
How do you initiate it with someone before you actually hook up like that?
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Fri, January 18, 2008 - 2:54 AMI'd take her out on a date. Go dancing or something fun. If the chemistry happens, it happens. If not, you've at least had a pleasant evening.
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Sat, January 26, 2008 - 10:45 AMIf I'm hooking up with a girl that I'd just met, I try bringing in a little humour in our conversation. That always helps to melt down the ice.
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Wed, January 30, 2008 - 9:40 AMwell, I have used the::: I'm ready to get out of here and I would really like you to come with me!!! when she asks why? I just say for SEX!!.....
it's worked 3 times in the past
just my way -
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Tue, February 5, 2008 - 6:07 PMI'm not very good at it unless I'm in my comfort zone, which is at a renaissance faire. Then I just ask them if they want to ride my woody. (pointing at my giant rocking horse and grinning like a Cheshire Cat.) -
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Tue, February 5, 2008 - 7:43 PMThere's always a subtle "wanna?" Coupled with a slight smile ... -
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Wed, February 6, 2008 - 6:00 PMYes, the smile is quite necessary when trying that line. We once had a guy working for us that had no personality at all, and he would deliver that line, and other suggestive lines, completely deadpan. We had to tell him to just keep quiet, people were getting offended. -
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Wed, February 6, 2008 - 8:04 PMYeah, it wouldn't be something that you use all the time. But once in a while things line up just right to be able to do that. Usually the smile would start first and it would be someone you have spoken to before and maybe you have been a little flirty with each other either in the current moment or at some time in the past. And you gaze and crack a little grin and if the grin is returned and you get a "what?" thats when you cut loose with the "wanna?"
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Unsu...
Re: how do you start that conversation....
Sat, February 9, 2008 - 3:34 PM>>I'm feeling really shy about taking that leap though and actually saying "Hey...wanna hookup with, seriously, no strings attached?"
How does one do that tactfully without being insulting or off-putting? <<
You take steps. You go from hanging out -> kissing -> hooking up.
If she likes the idea of you two kissing, then hooking up is pretty easy.
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Re: how do you start that conversation....
Tue, February 12, 2008 - 2:36 PMYeah - I think my whole point got lost somehow. I can do the casual invitation and know the evolution when the energy is there or at least semi-visible and we're haning in the evenings doing something. This was more about hanging out during the daytime at coffee shops for a couple hours mostly and how to move the evolution from there.
But the point is moot - not really interested in chasing that one anymore.
Thanks for the thoughts though.
